The modern day wedding ceremony is pretty much modern in name only. Patterned on a one thousand year old ritual that uses a presentation which is predictable, visually un-engaging, and all but inaudible to everyone except those in the first row, the common wedding ceremony is theatrically a failure.

In the old or 'common' format which has its origins in a medieval ritual, the bride and groom beseech the minister for his permission to marry. Standing silently before him, and reduced to playing passive roles, the bride and groom humbly submit to their minister's requirements, ultimately gaining them his permission to marry. During the ceremony, the minister may choose to lecture the couple about marriage, or he may tell anecdotal stories about their romance with some humor thrown in for levity.

 

He may ask if any of the guests have objections to the couple marrying, cautioning them to "speak now or forever hold their peace." The solemnizing acts will be to have the couple exchange vows and rings, ultimately followed by a kiss. He then presents them to their guests as husband and wife. Remarkably, some ministers, especially judges, can perform these ceremonies in as little as 8 to 12 minutes.

My ceremonies are dynamically different. The following fundamental changes to the performance of a wedding ceremony were learned over a 20 year period and are based on not only the suggestions of the brides and grooms I worked for, but upon the feedback from some of the over quarter million of their attending guests.

First and foremost, the notion of standing with your backs turned to your guests must be abandoned. Nothing so disengages an audience as having something important happening in their presence and being unable to see or hear it.. Yet wedding ceremonies are almost always presented in this way- a format that removes the interest of the guests and severely restricts the photographers.

  
 
 
 
 

With the bridal party facing their guests, I will officiate the ceremony from amongst the audience, typically standing in center aisle. Now the bride and groom have become the focal point of their ceremony, not the person performing it. Guests are now treated to a beautiful and visually stunning bridal party arrayed before them. Photographers and videographers will have unprecedented access to the bridal party, rewarding the couple with a photo album and wedding video of beautiful imagery. Furthermore, by facing your guests, your voices will project forward- into your audience. With me speaking from the center of those guests, we ensure that every word of your ceremony will be heard by every guest attending. No other format can make this claim.

Just as importantly, my ceremony takes the bride and groom out of the passive rolls of the old format. By using beautiful and photogenic options such as Wine Sharing, Unity Candle lighting, The Sand Ceremony, The Blessing Tree or The Tasting of Elements, the bride and groom become wonderfully proactive. And it is the couple who is now dramatically joining their lives before the on looking audience. No longer in the role of a magistrate, I now direct the ceremony and it's revelation- that your love for each other has married you- not the power of the state.

I will remove from your ceremony other imbalances and archaic notions as well. In the common ceremony, the groom enters from the side of the stage or alter area. This sets up the grand entrance of the bride who enters walking down the full length of the aisle to the acclaim and admiration of the guests. In my book, a groom is just as important as a bride. Therefore, my grooms enter by walking down center aisle as well. He may be accompanied by me as we walk side by side, or he may choose to enter with his parents, embracing them at the head of the aisle, as he shows them to their seats. The entrance of the bride and groom are now balanced, as he too will enjoy the smiles, tears and well wishes of those he passes by while making his entrance.

In the common ceremony a bride is escorted, or we might say led down the aisle to her awaiting groom. The escort, typically her father, will place her hand on the grooms' forearm. This in effect says- 'You take her now.' It has it's origin in the ugliest of western wedding tractions- that of a males passing property. The minister accentuates this act by asking the question: "Who gives this woman to be married to this man?" Her father responds for her saying "I do" or "Her family does." In my wedding ceremonies a bride is escorted by her father to mid-aisle and no further. Here, amongst her standing guests, she will embrace her father. Only after this moment does her groom approach her, coming half way to meet her. This takes her out of the role of being 'served up' by one male to another. The two will now walk to there places as a couple, and as equals, as her father and guests look on.

Finally, I'll develop a strong sense of connectedness from the audience to the bride and groom. I'll encourage the participation of readers who will come from the audience. The bride and groom will connect to the audience again when giving roses to the VIPs seated in the first row. In the ceremony's conclusion, guests will be asked to line the center aisle, side by side, facing inboard. In the couple's recessional walk down the aisle, guests will shower them with petals, or bubbles or release balloons or applaud them. Every guest will have an opportunity to contribute to the ceremony in some way, all of which are fun and photogenic.